[W]hen men come forward to complain that they would totally act right if women would just say no “correctly,” they are lying. The idea that you could somehow make your harassment less gropey and upsetting or your rape less rapey, if you would stop being so inscrutable and just explain to the poor clueless dear in terms that he’ll understaaaaaaaaaaand is beyond. fucked. up.
This sets up a world where men can do whatever they want until they hear a “no” that they choose to interpret as being “real,” and sets up any damage done up until that point as being the victim’s fault. The victim is not controlling the interaction, the harasser is choosing to harass. What possible advantage is there in making it the victim’s responsibility to convince their harasser “Oh no, kind sir, please stop?” or they must have deserved what they got? If you’re really invested in the “why are women such cowards who don’t say no clearly enough” narrative, ask yourself, why are you so interested in maintaining a shield of plausible deniability for sketchy people doing sketchy things to women?
Captain Awkward, The C-Word (Hint: C is for Creep!)
I don’t know how I didn’t know about Captain Awkward before, but yay.
I’m always super wary around any guy who seems to think women never “properly” turn men down. I mean, not only are women socialized to let men down “gently” because hurt manfeels will apparently destroy the world, but men are socialized to think that women are flighty idiots who have no idea wtf they actually want, and that no really means yes. They interpret “being coy” and “playing hard to get” where we’re saying “look I don’t want you to punch my face in for this but seriously back off. Please. If that’s okay with you.”
reblogging for relevance to that anon ask from earlier… you will be returned to your regularly scheduled rape culture posts here presently
listened to a guy rant last night about how some girl gave him her number after he asked for it, and never texted him back. I sat and listened to him complain, saying he’d rather a girl be brutally honest and just say “no, I’m not attracted to you,” but the woman in question was a server at a restaurant, and I couldn’t help but feel there was a distinct power difference there. And I thought, too, sitting quietly and uncomfortably in my chair next to him that I had never said a straight up “no” to any man who asked for anything like that because 1) I have been taught for 21 years of my life to always be kind and nice and never rude or assertive to anyone, ever, especially men, and 2) my coping mechanism for a dude demanding my number would be precisely that — I would give it, and then after that the power to say yes or no would be in my hands. He would text and I could choose to respond or not. Those who are socialized as women in this culture are expected to take responsibility for other people’s feelings at the expense of their own, to mediate, to avoid conflict, to have poor interpersonal boundaries. And because I have never been taught to say no, but only to ‘let him down easy’, my silence is my only way to say no. There is no way to say no “correctly”. Not as a woman in patriarchy.
Asking For It: 6%
It is estimated that only 6% of rapes and sexual assaults are actually reported, which is a frightfully low number. I have started a new project aiming to explore the reasons behind this, which started from the #ididnotreport hashtag on twitter - where survivors or rape/sexual abuse tell of their numerous reasons why they didn’t report it to anyone. This is the first series of images - numerous things that victims are told time and time again whenever they do actually report their abuse to someone - be it a friend, parent, family member, stranger or the authorities. We live in a society of rape culture where the victim is almost constantly blamed - told that they drank too much, wore too little, were out too late by themselves, flirted too much, are too “slutty”, are too “frigid”, are making a big deal out of “nothing”, the rapist was their partner so it obviously wasn’t rape because you can’t be raped by someone you’re in a relationship with. The things that victims constantly get told by the media, the people they know, rape “jokes”, songs, the authorities…they are painted on them so that they can never forget. To remind them that it is all “their fault” - if they hadn’t gone there/drank alcohol/wore that skirt/flirted etc, it wouldn’t have happened. Obviously.
I intend to expand on this series of photographs in the near future, and there is a lot more to come from this project, this is only the very starting point. My aim is to bring the idea of rape culture, slut-shaming, and victim-blaming to the attention of more people. To try and examine why 94% of rapes/assaults/abuse are never reported to the police, and to try and make that number decrease.
this is an amazing project because it is impossible to ignore. you are looking at the thing you see the most and confront first on a person: their face. more than their face though, their mind and their emotions.
What began as a reaction to one comment, a reaction that we had originally imagined only to include a handful of our closest friends exploded into a movement that we never could have expected.
Our plan was to call foul on the comment made by a representative of our Toronto Police and speak to…
[Image description: An image of Jesus with text on the side reading “A Unplanned Sexual Event is all part of His Plan for you.
I. At immediate conception name your new baby
II. Believe that…
This guy was awesome, he even wore a mini-skirt. Rape prevention tip: use the buddy system! If you’re not able to stop yourself from sexually assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you’re in public!
Possible Trigger Warning: Rape
This is an issue that I just found out about and am interested in getting more involved with. There is an extreme backlog in the United States with rape kits that have been unanalyzed. This is unecessary and absolutely ridiculous. It’s difficult enough for a victim of rape to have have their personal space violated right after they were sexually assaulted, now with this rape kit backlog, we are telling them that their being brave and giving evidence of their attackers does not even matter. More importantly, it tells rapists that they can get away with their crime. This is disgusting and something needs to be done, but first and foremost people need to actually know that this problem exists.
Not Ever - Rape Crisis Scotland has launched Scotlands first ever TV campaign aimed at tackling women-blaming attitudes to rape.
Wish this was showed everywhere in the world. I was just talking to my friend yesterday about how much I can’t stand “She was asking for it.” I can’t really think of anything that is a dumber statement. It doesn’t matter what she was wearing, how much she was drinking, how late she was out, how flirty she was being, if she was into it at first or not, it’s never anybody else’s fault besides the rapist’s, period. You CAN’T ask for rape, that’s how rape is defined, it’s against your will, you don’t ask for something to happen against your will, this should be common sense. If she was asking for it, she’d ask for it, and it’d be called SEX.
It’s very simple, every human being (remember women are human beings too) should be able to go about their lives without being victimized, or being blamed for being victimized. Rape is an unconscionable act, and I know that some people will say “I’m not justifying rape, I’m just sayin a woman should blah blah blah.” the fact is when you blame the victim, you are justifying the crime, you validate rape, and you help create a culture where it’s okay for someone to do whatever they want to a woman because a man isn’t held accountable for their actions. You help create a culture where it’s okay sometimes to rape under certain circumstances. Besides, it’s just massively inhuman to feel anything but sympathy for someone that has had that happen to them, and anger towards the aggressor. It’s never okay. You have to understand this.
If you agree, don’t fall into the logic that “you can’t change people’s minds”, because ideas in fact are contagious. Say something, not just on tumblr. If you hear a friend victim blaming you don’t have to be all confrontational about it, just be like “Well I don’t about that, it’s never the victim’s fault.” You’ll be surprised how easy it is to change someone’s mind when you’re calm and rational and you’re not arguing, yelling, insulting, or shaming them.
A rape culture is a culture of intimidation. It keeps women afraid of being attacked and so it keeps women confined in the range of their behavior. That fear makes a women censor her behavior - her speech, her way of dressing, her actions. It undermines her confidence in her ability to be independent. The necessity to be mindful of one’s behavior at all times is far more than annoying. Women’s lives are unnecessarily constricted.
As a society, this one issue hampers the best efforts of half our population. It costs us heavily in lost initiative and in emotional energy stolen from other, more creative thoughts.
Emilie Buchwald, “Raising Girls for the 21st Century” in Transforming a Rape Culture, ed. by E. Buchewald, P. Fletcher and M. Roth, Milkweed Editions, 1993.
“And make no mistake about it: we can be called sluts for nearly any reason at all. If we’re dancing. If we’re drinking. If we have ever in our lives enjoyed sex. If our clothes aren’t made of burlap. If we’re women of color, we’re assumed to be sluts before we do a single thing…
The FBI’s definition of rape – “the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will” — was written more than 80 years ago and is the basis for their Uniform Crime Report statistics on rape. That definition excludes victims of forced anal or oral sex, rape with an object, statutory rape and male rape.1
Many police departments interpret the definition to exclude victims like Jenny who were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, because of the word “forcibly.”2 Having such a limited and archaic definition affects the law enforcement attitudes about what is “real rape”
With such an incomplete description, the FBI has undercounted rapes by hundreds of thousands of cases, resulting in an inaccurate understanding of the scope of the problem.3
Misclassifying sexual assaults creates “a perception that this is not a real problem and so resources would not be allocated to training and investigation”4
worst feeling, thanks to whoever made this
Biden’s been saying things that are not only legitimate, but tumblr-worthy lately. The world’s going ‘splodey.